Eleven to Twenty

the secret's out
should be safer
all in school
no more sitters
snuff dipping mammy
Aunt Jemima clone
gone gone gone

new young maids
do light housekeeping
no threat there
never alone now
not with strangers
not with mom
that is safer

dad is safe
grandma is safe
school is safe
mom is smart
punishment is subtle
knows what hurts
she's always there

new school transfer
mom teaches there
suddenly new clothes
can't embarrass her
students love her
think she's great
they don't know

mom still controls
but not all
my brain soars
winning prizes everywhere
top student math
top student debate
most outstanding student

awards pile up
from the university
from the governor
medals and scholarships
then the ultimate
telegram from Nixon
trip to Washington

in the limelight
mom must behave
at least publicly
pretend she cares
pretend she's proud
doesn't fool me
she's still jealous

hope still lives
escape is near
college means freedom
freedom from mom
move to grandma's
walk to college
earning a paycheck

mom's influence lingers
she tells me
"you'll never marry"
and I believe
when he asks
I say yes
what a mistake

last minute confessions
accepted without question
a dissociated bride
drifting through events
choices not hers
no romance there
honeymoon at grandma's

c. 12/2008